The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find
someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is
futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone
who is capable of significant change; that sort of person
exists only in our imaginations.
I don’t know why I’ve put up with it for so long. i don’t know why I’ve let myself endure the countless nights of being called ungrateful, a bitch, and unappreciative of everything he’s done for me. I’ve always told myself that I deserved better, after every fight we get into when he gets drunk. I’ve told myself that I would never date someone who is an aggressive drunk because of my dad, because of how my mom ended up because of my dad. It’s unfair that she has to struggle to keep a roof over our heads without any monetary help from her husband. But still I stayed. Time and time again, I stayed. Why? Maybe because I thought he would actually keep his promises. Maybe I thought because he would really change his ways. But he won’t. It’s just how he is. It’s actually unfair of me to want him to change his ways. Or maybe because I thought I could put up with it. I don’t know. Whatever the reason may be, it really doesn’t matter now.
I’ve finally really realized that I don’t deserve this. That I shouldn’t have to “take” being called unnecessary names.
It doesn’t make it any less painful..